The Power of Self-Talk: How Changing Your Inner Dialogue Changes Your Life

Do you ever catch yourself talking to yourself? Lol. Yes. That is exactly what self-talk is. Self-talk is the act of talking to yourself, be that mentally or aloud. It involves the internal dialogue or thoughts that we have and has the power to either build you up or break you apart.

 

There are two main self-talk techniques: positive self-talk and negative self-talk. The former fixates on the thoughts that promote optimism, motivation, and self-compassion creating grounds for a positive mindset. In contrast, negative self-talk involves critical, self-deprecating thoughts that can weaken your self-confidence.

Here's an example scenario: you are finding it hard to understand Algebra. 

• Negative self-talk would sound more like this, "I'm so stupid. I'm so slow! Why can't I understand Algebra?" 
• Positive self-talk would sound like this, "I haven't quite mastered Algebra yet. And that's okay. I'll use this as my opportunity to learn and understand it."

Notice how negative self-talk focuses on negatively labeling yourself? It basically makes you define yourself based on your challenges. It puts you in a mental state where you feel incapable, unworthy, and less than. According to psychologists, negative self-talk is not remotely helpful or motivating for a person. All it does is serve to keep you feeling badly and supporting negative images you have of yourself. Positive self-talk helps you approach challenges with compassion, seeing them as opportunities to grow. It additionally enables you to heal, improve your self-esteem, and overall mental well being. Positive self-talk stems from the assurance that there is really no impossible thing. It is simply the next thing you are figuring out.

Positive self-talk stems from the assurance that there is really no impossible thing. It is simply the next thing you are figuring out.

Practical tips to shift your self-talk:

These will help you overcome negative self-talk.

• Tune into your self-talk: Learn how to catch yourself when you're speaking negatively and reframe your thoughts. For instance, when you feel the urge to say to yourself, "I can't do this," think: "How can I do this?" Be present and see what triggers you to speak negatively over yourself.
• Use affirmations: The easiest, most effective way to shift your self-talk is through affirmations. These are simply positive statements used to counter  negative thoughts and feelings. You can use these to transform negative thinking into uplifting, inspiring thoughts. You can easily find videos of affirmations suitable for you on YouTube. If you're looking to make it easier for yourself, I'd advise you to listen to affirmations. I love to listen to  Habits of a Goddess Podcast on Spotify (you can find it on Apple Podcast too). Here is a beginner friendly list of affirmations to start with:

• Embrace gratitude: Create  a simple gratitude journal for yourself and jot down at least 3 things you're grateful for that day. Do this at least once a day and focus on your strengths, accomplishments, and positive qualities. My advice? Let some time pass and re-read your old entries and you will realize how incredibly beautiful your life truly is.
• Rely on your Portfolio of Proof: This is something I learned from Tam Kaur's book Buy Yourself The Damn Flowers. Your Portfolio of Proof is basically a mental record you keep of every single thing you've triumphed over. Relying on your Portfolio of Proof means that you actively and intentionally bring to remembrance every time you thought you couldn't do something, but did it anyway and everything turned out just fine. See this video for more information on this: Portfolio of Proof by Tam Kaur. 
• Be a friend to yourself: Care for yourself the way you would care for a friend. Of course you wouldn't tell your friend "You simply suck" so why on Earth would you say that to yourself? 

I recall when my daily inner dialogue consisted of the sentence, "I'm so skinny." This only kept biting off large chunks of my confidence and the funny thing is I didn't really feel this way about myself.

Other people had said it so many times to me that I actually internalized it and believed it. Imagine that! Lol. When I realized that it was just a thought I was taught to believe, I made the conscious decision to actively seek out moments when I would feel triggered to degrade my body. I had to learn how to be gracious to myself and to love myself out loud.

Breaking the cycle of negative self-talk is not some walk in the park. Understand that you first have to make change an intention, then a behavior, then it will become a habit. A habit becomes a practice which then becomes second nature, and finally, simply who you are.

What are some negative thoughts you've been working to replace? Let me know in the comments and let's connect!